Alexander: (Reading from a sheet of paper.) "My name is Alexander Bard. I was born in South Africa and I used to be a devil worshipping drag artist employed by the United Nations. I write all the material for Army of Lovers. Otherwise I'm mostly occupied a religious matters such as sex, life, drugs and horses and keeping track of all the other worthless jetsettlers who populate the Earth."
Michaela: "Hello. I'm Michaela Dornonville de la Cour. And I'm the front figure in Army of Lovers. In fact it's me who write all the lyrics. And of course are singing all the vocals. I am 45 years old, so I'm the youngest one in the group. I'm of course the most talented person in the group."
Jean-Pierre: "Yes. Yes. No. Oh, listen, honey, got to hang up on you. Call you back later. (Kissing the receiver.) Hello. I'm Jean-Pierre Bardeau..."
Jean-Pierre: "Barda. I'm a Jewish..."
Jean-Pierre: "French Algerian..."
Jean-Pierre: "Royal hair and flair beauty expert. My highest dream is to have the female league in a huge Hollywood production... Or to give birth to Kevin Costner's children. I am..."
Prompter: "The inspiration for all of the Army of Lovers'..."
Jean-Pierre: "The inspiration for all of the Army of Lovers'..."
Dominika: "Hi. My name is Dominika. And it doesn't really matter how old I am because my beauty is so timeless. I am a very descent Jewish Polish girl and also very rich one. As being the most successful striptize dancer of the century, but lately, for various reasons, as religion for example, and also being the front figure of Army of Lovers. I only handle a couple of telephone sex-lines. My favorite line is of course the one about myself. The number is ... ... .... And it only costs $60 a minute. Otherwise I spend most of my time praying to God in the sinagogue and practising on my huge talents. (Demonstrating her breasts.)"
Alexander: "Ett två, ett två. Ett två. (Claping with a toy cinema board.) This video was shot in the beginning of our career. Since we have the habit of never leaving the house for anything less than a royal dinner, we thought it would be a good idea to make the video in our living-room. Especially since we also recorded the single there."
Jean-Pierre: "I never really liked the wall-paper in that room. And the floor. Oh, it was terrible. Until we put in that beautiful marble floor. The old one didn't have any shine to it. Simply. I was doubtful from the beginning about shooting the video there."
Alexander: "The video has its moments like the little Lenin statuette, which I managed to smuggle out from Russia before the political changes there. It reminds me of the glorious glamorous days of the cold war."
Jean-Pierre: "I guess it's rather good considering that was my directorial debut and after all the video was shot in 1975, you know."
Jean-Pierre: "It was such a... shock when I realized what we had filmed. Our living-room looked so unglamorous and torn! Renovating the flat... Renovating the house was simply not enough. I felt a need to tear it all down with my bare hands, simply."
Alexander: "After Jean-Pierre started to rebuild the whole mansion by himself out of anger and shame. I knew he would sooner or later collapse and I was right. After a couple of hours just thinking of how to re-design everything he flipped out completely."
Jean-Pierre: "It was such a hard work, simply."
Alexander: "So I decided we should have someone else do the job while we went for a vacation in our summer castle in the south of Sweden. It would do Jean-Pierre good with a change of scenery... siiimply."
Alexander: While we were staying at the castle I decided that as therapy we should do a Little Castle Theater show. So we did the show in the Little Castle Theater. We did a little show for the little peasants. It looked a lit... a... somehow a bit like this (Nearly falling from the swing.)"
Alexander: "The little play did Jean-Pierre no good. He began to have religious doubts. We actually had to lock him up in chains every now and then to keep him from eating himself to death."
Jean-Pierre: "(Holding a flower in his hand.) It was the weirdest..."
Jean-Pierre: "Thing. I'm usually very careful with what I'm eating, but this was a really serious break-down. I felt I have made such a fool of myself, showing our mansion..."
Jean-Pierre: "Showing our palace in such a disgraceful way. I didn't wanna wear anything but... But..."
Jean-Pierre: "Nappies... Tight leather nappies... As a punishment. I was also obsessed. With talking bath..."
Jean-Pierre: "With taking bath and keeping clean, simply. But with a strong support, strong support of...
Jean-Pierre: "Alexander, I finally got over it... Simply. (Crying.)"
Alexander: "Well, he would most certainly not have managed without me, and the sensible way I've reasoned with him. Just look at this and judge for yourself if the man was cracking up or not."
Jean-Pierre: "As soon as I got better I decided for us to get back to the new-built castle. I have made my mind up, if it looked good we had to redo the whole Ride The Bullet project. What I was not aware of at that time was that the strain on Alexander helping me had been too much for him. He was also involved in a love affair which I was totally unaware of at that time. A very devastating, secret love affair. Well, I would tell you more about it later."
Alexander: "The new floor and the walls gave a different acoustic to the new recording of the song. It sounds very different now, I think."
Jean-Pierre: "Well, the flat looked hmmm! But the builders must have been distracted in some way. Hmm. They left something in the bath tub, because when she went for a bath, something really weird happened. You will see."
Alexander: "There we were suddenly with the blond-hair vocalist I never really figured that one out."
Jean-Pierre: "Alexander's love affair and the fact that he was really puzzled about the phenomena in the bath tub, really got to him in the end. He started to see things and hear things. He even thought we were evil and wanted to hurt him. Simply. He had kept the love affair so completely secret that the two of us was completely shocked. Anyway Michaela Dornonville de la Cour's uncle is in charge of a very well-known mental hospital at that time called Saint Petersburgh. Michaela Dornonville de la Cour said..."
Michaela: "Let's take him there. And my uncle also said..."
Jean-Pierre: "That I and Michaela Dornonville de la Cour should keep Alexander company during the hard time. He also promised that if we were nice he would let us help him with the electricity..."
Michaela: "And the needles, and the knifes... (Alex's screaming and dentist machines can be heard from background.)"
Jean-Pierre: "And other wonderful things."
Alexander: "I was been torn into pieces from inside when the love affair ended. With whom? I'd rather not talk about that horrible double-crossing lying back-talking son of the bitch. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I still get a little bit upset just thinking about it. But I did get over it. The electrical shock treatment and lobotomy really helped a lot and I feel much better now."
Michaela: "After couple of months at the hospital we felt that Alexander was back to his normal selfish egotric behavior. So we went back to Sweden."
Alexander: "What I didn't realize until we got back to Sweden was that I actually was pregnant. It was such a shock. I would never have considered the possibility of this. Happening at that time, now, my whole world was falling apart. The only thing that cought me from going insane was the help of my dearest friends."
Jean-Pierre: "I was shocked, stunned, angry, upset, sad when I... "
Jean-Pierre: "Understood what had happened. How could it leave Alexander in that state..."
Prompter: "After a week..."
Jean-Pierre: "After a week my tummy had grown to be just as big as Alexander's out of physical sympathy."
Michaela: "When I saw both Alexander and Jean-Pierre with these giant tummies I felt that we couldn't show ourselves to the other celebrities in this horrible, ugly state. My aunt is in charge of a convent in the south part of France. So I felt that that could be a good idea to hide over there from the rest of the world."
Alexander: "I am really fond of him but unfortunately I am allergic to dogs so I can't leave for him. He lives with our designer, but I do see him every now and then. All of this took place a long time ago and now we have spent the last year traveling in the Far East and staying at the Riviera. Jean-Pierre has found his way back to his faith and the religion again. He feels much better now."
Jean-Pierre: "Yes, I have finally come to piss..."
Prompter: "To peace..."
Jean-Pierre: "To peace with my doubts. It feels refreshing, renewing, wonderful, I am born again. Hmmm, sort of, simply..."
Jean-Pierre: "Anyway, in my new inspirate ion I decided to write a song about how happy I am and how beautiful life is. (Rushing and skipping in the hall.) I am very proud over the..."
Jean-Pierre: "Song. I don't know where I got the..."
Jean-Pierre: "Chorus from. I don't know what I was thinking of."
Alexander: "When I saw how happy J.P. was, I decided to write a song about it. How happy he is and how beautiful life is. I am very proud over this song, especially over the chorus. I don't know where I've got it from."
Michaela: "When I saw the happiness of Jean-Pierre I decided to write the song about it. How happy he is and how beautiful life is. I am so proud of this song, especially the chorus. I wonder where I've got it from.
We also met a wonderful lady in Saint Tropez."
Jean-Pierre: "Oh, she is a wonderful, simply wonderful..."
Alexander: (Standing next to Dominika. Guests are coming and kissing hands to both of them.) "Honest, modest, ..."
Jean-Pierre: "Simply wonderful..."
Michaela: "We all adore her."
Jean-Pierre: "Very wonderful. I am wonderful, she is wonderful, we're all wonderful, ooh.
Dominika: "Let me tell you. When I first met them at the casino, they were so happy and so full of life, so I decided to write a song about it. You know, about how happy they all are and how beautiful life is. I am very proud of this song, especially the chorus. I really don't know where I've got it all from, but it's a masterpiece."
Jean-Pierre: "Oh, it's so nice to see and hear something nice and morally correct. [Puting his hands on the Dominika's knees, then to Alexander's. Dominika trying to take off his hand with no effect.) There is so much depravation and weirdness in the world today. But then again the world is full of ugly people. I remember..."
Prompter: "When we throw this party in the cottage..."
Jean-Pierre: "When we throw this party in that little cottage we bought in the Riviera I invited thousands of celebrities, but did they show any gratitude, did they show any ödmjukhet? No. It was terrible."
Michaela: "They thought that they could come to our party without of any trace of good behaviour, and then drink and dance without pay of any attention to us. But we showed them how a party should be held."
Dominika: "Oh, go now! You have to leave now, because we're getting ready for another recording session. And also we're gonna shoot a new video. And it's a fantastic song... And it's all my fault... (Crying on the Jean-Pierre's shoulder.)"
Alexander: "We want to go back to the roots of rock-n-roll, the very foundation, the base for what all really great rock-n-roll comes from. You know the kind of stuff, where all death metal, speed metal and other metal comes from. We have all been eating a lot of raw meat and drinking a lot of beer to get into the mood, the lyrics are really... intricate."
Jean-Pierre: "And as usually I am doing everything myself. (Dominika frowns.) Dominika here, she is such a brilliant producer. (Puting his hand on her breast.) She really knows how to bring out the best out of you. We will see you later after the session. (Puting Dominika on the floor.)"